Hi

Ever have one of those horrifying moments where you feel nervous about where you are in life in terms of your goals? That's me last night. I was so frustrated and I blame the fact that my babies are all growing up. LOL!

Dylan's 32, Shawn's about to turn 25 and my little baby girl is almost 20 in a week. TWENTY! It made me feel so old and frantic that I haven't achieved my fiction dreams. When I was derogatory about myself, my kids said, "Don't you beat up on my Mama! You've been a great mom, a successful businesswoman, etc." I know this...but but but...

More on that below for those who care...because it IS an online business model, but one not most of you are in.

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Fiction Frustrations

I feel so frustrated finishing books and they get good reviews but I don't have the business down so it's a HUGE loss right now. I have to get more strategic but I feel like I don't know how, what I want to write (or should), etc. There's no exact course. 

I was in a MOOD last night. Still sort of am, but I'm being proactive. The best way past something is through it. I just don't want to waste time writing 5 more books and getting no return on them. 

Maybe you have some insight or advice for me. Here's the deal: I did fairly well with historical fiction in the beginning (clean romance) but it took forever to write because of the historical aspect. I know I can write contemporary women's fiction with a heartwarming approach and a very small (wish it was non existent but apparently people like that) romantic side story that many of them have.

I dislike reading this kind of content, but it's popular and needed in a world that feels like a cesspool. To date, I have NOT written this genre. My only contemporary book had darker storylines. Even though it was a clean romance, the characters came from absusive backgrounds. Write what you know, but it doesn't sell. Go figure.

What I LOVE is stuff like Kristin Hannah or Jodi Picoult - emotional, drama filled stories. But I don't feel good enough to write that (yet). So I guess I'm going into clean small town women's fiction with a heartwarming storyline.

I guess I worry because I don't believe in it. I come from abuse in both my upbringing (physical horrible abuse from my mom), an abusive marriage and to write happy go lucky tales of a perfect small town seems impossible. I am more of a mindset of boundaries, revenge, etc. LOL Dark. I can't help it. I wish I could write thrillers like this but I don't grasp twists and stuff when it comes to writing them. 

So that's where I've been stuck. I published that last book that took over 2 YEARS to finish because I kept shelving it and now I'm like, it's now or never - either you go full tilt boogie in this career or you hang up your hat and be done. My meager income trickling in from that business model is all my historical romance - not a penny from the new book after its initial release. Then again, I've done zero marketing. I don't know that part yet. 

I guess I'm going to do this as a way to learn craft and generate income (if I can learn) and someday as my skills and knowledge improves, I can work on the kind of fiction I love to read. I had a friend advise me about Amazon ads. I spent $200+ and earned $10. Ugh. It's always this tech stuff that baffles me.

I just panicked being 54 with grown kids and feeling like life is slipping away and I haven't done what needs to be done. It got depressing. Today I woke up kind of fueled with momentum, but also scared and unsure of myself. 

I'm not used to it. I know PLR sales and marketing for online business. Not fiction. 

Ever had this kind of experience? If so, words of advice are welcome. I don't want to wake up 10 years from now wishing I'd done it.

Tiff