Taking off a couple of days :( (Personal)

Published: Fri, 10/04/19


This is a personal email, and i know many only subscribe for business, so just letting you know in case you want to bypass it.

I couldn't even email yesterday because it was so rough, but I wanted to let my subscribers know why I'm not responding to emails right now.

I'm going to take a couple of days to grieve the loss of my precious dog, my chihuahua, Honey. 

As many of you know, she's been with me about 11 years - and often made a cameo on my videos. Every time I'd hit record and button beeped, she'd run over to have me introduce her, then, as if satisfied, she's go back to her place to lie down. 

A couple of months ago she was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis. I got her back on track, but she developed it again suddenly a couple of days ago - so I took her back in and we found out she had a severe case of diabetes (often seen with pancreatitis) and that her liver and kidneys were failing her. She had less than 5% chance of survival and the process, success or not, would be grueling for her.

So for the first time in my life I had to make the decision to put a pet down, and now I am immersed in guilt and regret. I can't stop thinking, "What if?" I know logically it was the humane thing to do - I don't want to see that baby suffer - but selfish me wanted her around for many more years.

This is terrible for me. 

I didn't realize how every single step I took in my home had her as part of my routine - things I'd routinely say to her, how she'd always let me go first through a door even if I tried to let her go first, the way she'd crawl up on my chest for kissies right when I woke up. It's so lonely without her presence - a big, gaping hole in our lives.

I can't even think of work, but I do know I have to get my head on straight for my kids. They're all devastated as well. My sweet Dylan came over and buried her with her favorite toy yesterday. He brought me flowers and today he's bringing my granddog over to comfort me. 

I got Honey when she was a puppy for my 38th birthday and she had Parvo. The vet advised I put her down, but I said no, and spent a lot of money for them to save her. So I keep trying to remind myself I gave her a good life with a loving family. But somehow, that doesn't seem to comfort me enough. All I can see are those final moments. 

Life can be so cruel, but so beautiful simultaneously. 

I'm going to try to think that my Dad, up in Heaven, greeted her with his other 3 chihuahuas and is giving her lots of love. 

So please bear with me until I find my bearings. I'm trying. 



Thank you,

Tiffany